No More Christian Nice Guy
Author: Paul Coughlin
|No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women and Children|
"Recovering nice guy" Paul Coughlin points the way for all men who yearn to live a life of boldness and conviction--like Jesus. Using humorous examples from his own life, powerful and poignant stories, and vivid examples from contemporary culture, Coughlin shows how he learned to say no to the "nice guy" syndrome. After all, Christian nice guys aren't always so nice. In the name of appearing Christian by being agreeable, they can lie, keep secrets, manipulate, duck responsibility, and much more. Using the biblical model of Christ as his example of a real man, Coughlin shows men how to become both gentle and bold. A powerful challenge and a hopeful message that elevates the true biblical model of manhood above prevailing views in the church and contemporary culture, this important book helps men discover who they are in Christ and how to live for Him.
Includes a foreword by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
ISBN: 0764212680 EAN: 9780764212680
Publisher: Bethany House Publishers
US SRP: 15.99 US
Pub Date: July 05, 2016
Features: Bibliography, Price on Product, Table of Contents
Physical Info: 0.7" H x 8.4" L x 5.5" W (0.7 lbs) 272 pages
Carton Quantity: 28
Author Information: Paul Coughlin hosts a radio talk show on KDOV in southern Oregon and is the author of Secrets, Plots, and Hidden Agendas: What You Don't Know About Conspiracy Theories. Paul has been interviewed by C-SPAN, the New York Times, and numerous radio and television stations across the country. His articles have appeared in many publications, including New Man, Faithworks, and Ministries Today. He has also been editor of a weekly newspaper and a radio station program director. A former Christian Nice Guy, Paul is a happily married father. They live in Oregon.
Endorsements: "I applaud Paul's important work to help us realize what a real man is all about." --Dr. Kevin Leman
"Paul Coughlin is challenging our thinking on what it means to be God's man in the 21st Century. The Apostle Paul pens in 1 Corinthians 16:13, "act like men." That begs the question, What is a man? Coughlin is asking that question. This book is his excellent answer." --Rev. Emerson Eggerichs Ph.D. author of Love and Respect: the Love She Most Desires and the Respect he Desperately Needs.
"Paul Coughlin has written an amazing book that will stir you regardless of your religious background or beliefs. The message is simple but profound: niceness should not be our highest aspiration, but rather truth, integrity and boldness." --Mark Joseph, author of Faith, God & Rock 'n' Roll.
"John Eldredge gave men permission to be "wild at heart." Paul Coughlin shows us how to do it. This book is a road map to a larger life." --David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church
"Paul has some bold, powerful, and even shocking words for the church -- especially regarding God's celebration of sexual passion. If the church wants to get a handle on rampant divorce and infidelity, Paul has some words of wisdom we dare not ignore." --Dave Meurer, author of Good Spousekeeping: A His and Hers Guide to Couplehood
"In order for our children to become happy, functional, loving, contributing members of this world, they need the support and structure that an intact, happy home can bring. 'No More Christian Nice Guy' is a step in that direction." --Dr. Laura Schlessinger, best-selling author of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands (from the Foreword)
"Why is the Church producing nice guys when what we need are good guys? Real men are becoming an endangered species in Christian churches. Paul Coughlin knows why. As a former Christian nice guy, Coughlin takes a hard look at 'nice guys,' the churches that turn them out, and the damage done to Christian men and their families. 'No More Christian Nice Guy' is a first-hand account in the making and unmaking of a Christian Nice Guy. Most importantly, Coughlin gets to the root of Christian Nice Guy syndrome --the saccharine, obsequious nice-guy Jesus being preached in so many pulpits. As Coughlin observes, when the church returns to the real Jesus, the church will again produce real men. This book may be the first step for many Christian men out of a mindset and life that hurts men and those they love." --Todd Wilken, Host of the nationally syndicated radio program, Issues, Etc.
Reviews: "Paul Coughlin poses an intriguing question in the opening of his book, No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women, and Children What do you think would happen if Jesus were to appear at your church next Sunday and say in person what He says in the Bible? Jesus called people 'hypocrites,' 'fools,' 'dull' and 'brood of vipers fit for hell!' The point: Being nice doesn't always make you more like Jesus. In fact, it may mean the opposite. It may be an indication of passivity, which is really not nice. By trying to be 'nice,' you may be unintentionally hurting the people around you. Coughlin calls this book his 'personal Wittenberg Door.' It's a challenge to men to stand against passivity, to embrace boldness and to experience the abundant life that Christ promises. Coughlin talks about being raised by a physically and emotionally abusive mother with chilling candor and tells how the abuse shaped (or rather misshaped) his masculinity. The man's authentic, no put-ons here. And while some of John Eldredge's lessons are evident in this book, this is not another Wild at Heart wannabe. The book's not unbalanced in its view of masculinity either. 'Men should not drop compassion, gentleness, or kindness from their personalities,' he writes. 'That's one of the largest misconceptions about masculinity, that it doesn't include tenderness and other expressions of sensitivity.' Imagine if men took this book to heart. The result would be stronger men, stronger families and a stronger church. Coughlin calls for a 'good guy rebellion.' Count me in." --Robert Andrescik, New Man Magazine
"The son of an off-the-charts abusive woman, Coughlin learned early on to play it safe. You'd think a personal encounter with the Lion of Judah would have led him into a life of boldness and adventure, but no. The church intervened and taught him to be a docile CNG who never makes waves, never makes a scene (think of Jesus here!), and thus never makes a difference. A series of revelations caused Coughlin to re-examine the kind of man the church had fashioned him into. (My personal favorite was the time he failed to move quickly enough when a traffic light turned green, and he looked in the rearview mirror to discover that the horn-honking, red-faced, livid driver behind him was none other than his "perfect" pastor.)
A result of those revelations is a changed man who has started what he calls a Good Guy Rebellion --- a call for Christian men to trade in their niceness for genuine goodness, echoing C.S. Lewis's description of Aslan in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe as a lion who is not safe but good.Good guys, he points out, may not be very popular in churches that want to keep them under their thumb, but the transformation from CNG to Good Guy will earn them the long-lost respect of their wives and children, and steer them into a life of authentic obedience to the powerful God they've wanted to serve all along.
My recommendation? Read this along with Dave Murrow's Why Men Hate Going to Church. But read it only after you have resolved to approach it with an open mind and with a genuine desire to understand Coughlin's perspective. If you don't read the book in its entirety, you'll miss the big picture. And it's a picture no one in the church should miss, especially CNGs and their wives. Oh, and let's not forget all those CNGs who have left the church for the very reasons that made them CNGs in the first place." --Marcia Ford, Faithful Reader.com
"Although Coughlin does not offer explicit steps for how to change, he does challenge Christian men to evaluate their lives and determine where they must replace niceness with goodness."--John D. Leatherman, Christian Retailing
"The author writes from personal experience, showing how he beat the 'nice guy' syndrome and entered the bolder life of the real guy God created him to be. He goes on to cover many subjects, some of which, I admit, left me wanting to shout, "Wait a minute, let me tell a woman's side of the story!" but all in all, Coughlin makes his point, sometimes using humor, sometimes moving stories but always telling it like it is.... It's a good read with lots to make you think and possibly reconsider some old stereotypes." --Bella Online
TABLE OF CONTENTS
FOREWORD BY DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER
The Good Guy Rebellion: Phase Two 9
1. Christian Nice Guys Aren't So Nice 29
2. He's No Angel 49
3. Other Earnest but Damaging Messages to Men 71
4. Childhood: Where Many Learn to Live Small 89
5. How Being "Nice" Ruins Love and Marriage 117
6. To Be a Man 139
7. Nice Guy, Naive Guy: How Being Nice Hurts Men at Work 167
8. The Journey From Nice Guy to Good Guy 189
9. Searching One's Soul and Facing One's Fears 207
10. Help Along the Good Guy Highway 233
11. God: Lion or Cocker Spaniel? 251
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